Mommy Dearest
by Veronica Barton
Summary: Syd has survived, and so has her mom !?!
1. Scene One

1.1 "Mommy Dearest"  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own ALIAS, but I sure wish I did!!!  
  
Thoughts are in brackets  
  
"Dad, Mom's alive, I know it…"  
  
2 Scene One  
  
"Dad, did you hear me?"  
  
Jack had been shocked into silence, a million questions and emotions running through his mind, none of which showed on his face. The sound of his daughter's question of concern brought him out of the deep and into the truth, [she's right]. All of the sudden his paternal instincts kicked in as he look at his soaked daughter. [Jack, If you want something done right, do it yourself!]  
  
"Come on Honey, we'll worry about this later, you have a plane to catch." She couldn't find the strength to argue, and couldn't help but smile; there was that word again, "Honey". He spoke in his "take-charge" tone, but she knew he was thinking with his heart not his head, something a few months ago she thought it might not be possible. But as he gently guided her to the passenger's side she realized how much he really loved her and how much she wanted to live long enough to get to know him better.  
  
They rode in silence, each deep in thought.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
Vaughn sat in his office with his head in his hands, wet with his tears. The news report, of the young woman who had driven her car off the pier, was mumbling in the background. He had spent the afternoon trying to look busy, and blameless. It wasn't until he was just about to head home that Weiss had come in, shut the door, and turned the TV on; they had sat in stunned silence as they watched the replay of what had happened earlier that afternoon. Sensing his friend's need to be alone, he offered to go get some food. That had been over an hour ago which gave Vaughn to much time to think, to regret, to mourn, he was now a complete mess.  
  
His cell phone rang three times before he reluctantly answered it. "Vaughn here," he stated coarsely.  
  
His breath caught when he heard his favorite voice, [I do need to see Barnett, I'm loosing it, or maybe I'm just dreaming, maybe this is ALL a dream…]  
  
"Vaughn? Hello, are you there, Vaughn? Michael Vaughn!?!" Her worried words brought him out of his inward debate. "Sydney?" He asked in a whisper of joy and disbelief. "Yeah, Vaughn, I just wanted you to know I'm okay, dad is taking me to the plane," after a moment of silence, "Okay!?" He thought he might start sobbing from relief, but managed an "Okay" then a very quick "Bye!"  
  
He quickly went into action, grabbing any necessary items and rushed out of the office.  
  
  
  
Sydney stared at the cell phone in her hand, [that was odd, he must not have known.]  
  
"What did he say?" Her father asked. "Okay," Sydney's reply betrayed her feelings of hurt and confusion, but they continued to drive in silence. 


	2. Scene Two

1.1 "Mommy Dearest"  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own ALIAS, but I sure wish I did!!!  
  
[Thoughts are in brackets]  
  
  
  
2 Scene Two  
  
The night grew darker and rain began to drizzle, as the black town car drove to the outskirts of the city, and pulled into a private airfield where a personal CIA plane was patiently waiting for its passenger to arrive.  
  
Jack stopped the car next to the plane, and they both watched as the pilot descended the boarding stairs to greet them. The silence between Jack and Sydney became awkward, each wanting to discuss their thoughts and feelings, but not having much practice, they were uncertain where to begin.  
  
"That's Captain Carver, he's a close friend of mine," Jack and sent a 'just-a-minute' wave in his direction, then attempted sarcasm, "you know, in the 'airplane part' business." Sydney turned to her father offering a slight grin as a half-laugh escaped her.  
  
The humor was brief, and they quickly grew serious again. After a moment of studying each other, she faced the front, and staring into the distance asked "So, what should I do?"  
  
He started to recite the plan, as if in 'mission' mode, "Carver will get you to Italy, I have a man who will meet you, take you to Mount Sabassio, and bring you back to the plane, sleep when you can, Sloane expects to see you when you get back."  
  
Sydney sighed; "Okay" all of this seemed obvious. She gently reworded her question, "but what about mom, what should I do about mom?"  
  
Jack hesitated before answering, "First things first, I want to get you safe, make sure the DSR can't connect you with the prophecy, then we can worry about mom." In truth he had already started thinking of a plan, it had been on his mind from the moment she had suggested it, but like he said, first things first, "Come on, let's get you in the air!"  
  
As Jack approached the pilot his demeanor changed, almost joyfully he extended his hand, "Carver, thanks for doing this, I owe you one!" The middle-aged man snickered, "You owe me 'bout a hundred! But then again, ya did save my life," then looking at Sydney, "bet ya didn't know your dad was a hero did you? Matt Carver, it's great to finally meet you Agent Bristow," he said while shaking the hand she offered.  
  
Smiling she replied, "Sydney, please, and actually there's a lot I don't know about my dad."  
  
"Well, it's a long trip to Italy I'll have to fill ya in!" She could detect a southern accent in this refreshingly optimistic man, his upbeat mood was contagious and she began to smile.  
  
"Syd, I put a bag together for you, there's a bathroom on board why don't you get out of these clothes before you get sick." Her gaze softened, she had never known her dad to be so concerned, "Okay, sure, see you when I get back." He said, "Okay" as she began to walk away (wanting to say more but was sentimentally speechless) he was both shocked and relieved when she quickly retreated and threw her arms around his neck.  
  
He returned her embrace as she whispered a tearful "Thanks dad" and something he thought he might never hear; "I love you!" She had quickly debated whether or not she should, if he would even care, but after the day she had, she resolved to not leave things unsaid. She could have died, and her life was still in danger, she didn't want to add something to her list of regrets; Danny's death was hard enough to live with.  
  
She would have been surprised to know that her father's feelings mirrored her own. His only baby girl nearly died today, and there were those that would stop at nothing to permanently take her from him. As much as he desperately wanted to reach out to her, he just honestly didn't know how. She had just shown him how simple it could be; yet the words still came out broken with emotion, he pulled her back so he could look at her, "I love you too, honey." With one more hug he continued, "I'll see you when you get back, we'll work everything out," she gave him a tearful smile and he watched as she boarded the plane.  
  
Carver broke his trance, "Uh, Jack, we've got company…"  
  
Jack turned around to see a familiar car speeding towards them…  
  
TBC 


	3. Scene Three

1.1 "Mommy Dearest"  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own ALIAS, but I sure wish I did!!!  
  
[Thoughts are in brackets]  
  
  
  
Jack turned around to see a familiar car speeding towards them…  
  
"Hold'em off I'll get into the air," Carver was eager for action [just like the good 'ole days!]  
  
He was disappointed when Jack stopped him, "Just a minute," he turned to see the puzzled look on his friend's face. "Why don't you get ready and I'll give you a 'go' signal" he finished with a reassuring grin, then watched Carver sprint up the stairs.  
  
When he turned around the car had come to a halt and the driver's side door was opening, "Vaughn what the Hell are you doing here, you could have been followed…" he let his lecture trail off as he observed the younger agent. He was doing a bad job of hiding his panic and pleasure, "I'm going with her!"  
  
He continued before Jack could respond, "We almost lost her today, I should have stayed with her," he was still blaming himself but he was trying to sound logical, "I mean she won't be any good to us dead, right!?!" His voice was practically pleading for Jack to agree, but he was determined that no matter what Jack said [as long as Sydney's on that plane, she's not leaving without me]! He'd fight if he had to, but he was praying he wouldn't have to, [he might be twice my age, but he's also had twice the experience, he's practically the SD-6 hit man! Besides, Syd might not have much of a relationship with him but I don't think fighting with him will get me too many browny points!]  
  
Jack knew he should say no, but deep down he felt the same way. [I'd go myself if Sloane hadn't left me in charge!] He knew Vaughn was speaking from his heart and not his head, [but then again, this kid's heart has saved Syd's life several times before]!  
  
He let Vaughn squirm while he gave him his stern pensive stare. "I'll tell Devlin, make sure you come up with a plan to separate, no one should know you're together," he felt like he was giving a fatherly list of do's and don'ts to the son he never had [hmm…focus Jack]. He could tell Vaughn was anxious to see Syd, [put him out of his misery] "Okay, contact me with any problems." As he watched Vaughn practically run to the boarding stairs, his brain returned to its former train of thought [I'd better warn him]. "Oh, Vaughn," he stopped at the base of the flight of stairs, "Yeah!?" Jack's voice lacked emotion as he warned, "She thinks her mom survived the crash… I think she might be right."  
  
Jack hadn't waited for a response, but turned to signal to the pilot that he would have another passenger and that it was safe to go. He got in his car and began to drive away, in his rear view mirror he could see that Vaughn was standing where he'd left him, staring up at the plane. [Come on Vaughn, don't back out now, she's not her mom, and your nothing like me! Well maybe the old me, the one Sydney needs, the one I can't seem to return to…] He continued to drive as his thoughts turned to days long gone and what could have gone wrong, and how he could possibly make it right.  
  
  
  
Vaughn stood staring up at the airplane entrance for who knows how long, when Captain Carver came in view, "You came'n or not?"  
  
"Oh, sorry yeah" he leaped up the stairs and extended his hand, "Agent Vaughn, I'm Syd's handler, sorry to keep you waiting."  
  
"Nice to meet you, bad day huh?" to which Vaughn responded with a 'you have no idea' look. "Well, better buckle up and we'll get on our way, I think she's still in the bathroom, when we get up I'll show you where everything is."  
  
"Great, thanks." Vaughn entered the main cabin, it had a center isle, on his immediate right and left were two sets of large chairs facing each other, behind them on either side were two couches facing the walkway that led to what he figured was a kitchenette, and bathroom. He plopped in one of the chairs facing the front and buckled in, and fought the feelings and thoughts that were nagging at him [Laura alive!?! Vaughn don't loose it, she needs you, you have to be ready to listen, don't over react, this is crazy, when did my life become a Shakespeare tragedy!?!] He was so deep in thought; he didn't even hear Carver's announcement.  
  
  
  
Sydney had changed into the jeans and the periwinkle t-shirt her dad had put into the bag. She had rinsed her hair out in the sink and braided it into pigtails, she cupped her hands and let them fill with warm water then splashed her face. She stared at herself in the mirror while drying off her face [he loves me, he actually said it, OUT LOUD! My mom may be a murderer, but my dad loves me…]. Carver's voice over the intercom broke through her reflections, "Sydney, better get buckled up, we're about to hit the sky!"  
  
She had to smile. [He is SO cheerful, I can't wait till the weight of the world, or destruction of it, is of my shoulders!]  
  
She wearily walked down the isle towards the chairs at the front, she moved to sit in one of the chairs facing the front, but she was stunned to see it was already occupied. "Vaughn! What are you doing here!?!"  
  
  
  
TBC 


	4. Scene Four

1.1 ATTENTION: As of 3/22/02, scene three is altered a wee bit- what she thinks while looking at herself in the mirror, I'll make reference to it later, so you might want to check it out!  
  
1.2  
  
1.3  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own ALIAS, but I sure wish I did!!!  
  
[Thoughts are in brackets]  
  
  
  
…"Vaughn! What are you doing here!?!"  
  
  
  
Scene 4  
  
She quickly recovered from her shock and noticed that he sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, slumped so far down that she thought she could actually see the 'world' weighing down shoulders. Thinking he might be ill, or have some horrific news, she knelt down and put a hand on his shoulder, "Vaughn are you okay!?"  
  
  
  
He had been so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed her presence until she was eye level with him. He slowly lifted his head; when he saw with his own eyes that she was actually alive, all other thoughts cleared, a relieved smile filled his exhausted face, and he reached out to embrace her. The jolt of the plane starting to move broke their 'emotional attachment'.  
  
  
  
They chuckled as Sydney moved to the seat facing him and buckled in, "So did you meet Captain Cowboy Carver!?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah," he replied, while watching her toy with the gadgets of the very plush private plane.  
  
[Will she tell me? Do I want her to? Is she as angry as I am? Does she want revenge?] He closed his eyes ashamed to look at her, afraid of the intensity of his own feelings of rage, not wanting her to think he was upset with her.  
  
[AM I upset with her? DO I blame her? After all you only have one mom, even if she IS a psychotic murderer! What if she wants to save her, protect her? I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know if I can be the listener that she needs me to be. I want to be there for her, that's what I'm paid for right? RIGHT, like the taxpayers pay me to meet her at a pier while she drowns her pager, they certainly didn't pitch in for that expensive antique frame! I definitely don't get paid enough to willingly enter buildings filled with armed terrorists and C-4 explosives! (mental sigh)  
  
Don't jump to conclusions Mike, you don't even know what she's thinking… whatever it is, she looks great doing it. (inward chuckle) I don't want to ruin our friendship over this. She trusts me, with her LIFE! Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to her, she needs me, like no one ever has; it's a powerful feeling to be the only one she can really turn to! I AM too emotionally involved, but I did this to myself! Man, 'ole Will couldn't have written a more pathetic story! Dad, can you hear me? What do I do? I wish stuff like this was in the handbook! I wish I could talk to her about it. But would it mess everything up? Would I loose her trust in me? I'll do it, but not tonight, later…]  
  
  
  
As the plane began to speed up and take off Sydney was forced to sit back and look at her 'angel'. He had closed his eyes, so she was able to look her fill.  
  
[(mental sigh) He looks heavenly even when he looks like crap!] She took note of his crumpled clothing and the puffiness around his eyes that said he'd either been crying a whole lot or had been cutting a bushel of onions! She watched as a million emotions flashed across his face [hmm, I'd give a BILLION pennies for his thoughts! (inward chuckle)] Just as soon as the thought came it was replaced by the image of what happened to the last guy she gave her all for, how ironic that in the end it was he who paid too high a price. She closed her eyes in pain.  
  
[I can't fall for him, I can't do that to him. I can't do that to ME! I don't think I can stand loosing someone else I love. Oh, who am I kidding, I do love him. If not romantically, at least for everything he does for me, even if he is paid to do it! RIGHT, like they give him overtime to give me Christmas gifts, or to go against orders risking his life to save me from people like Cole, or to hold me when I cry! They certainly don't pay him to tell me about his Aunt Trish, hmm, I wish he would tell me more about his family. Its strange though, even with everything we don't share, even though we've never even kissed, I have so much more with him than I ever had with Danny (pang of guilt). Don't go there Syd, too painful!  
  
If I really loved him, if I really cared, I wouldn't be so selfish; I wouldn't have done everything in my power to see that he remained my handler. I'd let him leave this madness I call my life, let him go live a normal life with a normal girl, one who won't potentially destroy the world!!!  
  
Maybe I don't love him; maybe I just need him too much to let him go. If I told him about mom being alive he might leave. Would he go? Would he stay, but change towards me? Would I loose him, even as a friend? That's the one thing I don't think I could live without, he's like my journal, he knows my worst and best, and yet is always there for more! I wish I could do the same for him, maybe my greatest gift, the only way I could repay him is to let him go. I should tell him, I have to tell him, but not tonight, later…]  
  
  
  
With eyes closed they both fell asleep to their rambling thoughts, and the hum of the plane soaring through the sky.  
  
TBC 


	5. Scene 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Alias, but I sure wish I did!  
  
WARNING: Spoilers!!!  
  
[Thoughts are in brackets]  
  
  
  
Scene 5  
  
  
  
"Devlin here"  
  
"Karaoke Castle"  
  
"Sorry, wrong number"  
  
Jack turned off his cell phone as he pulled into an empty parking garage and parked on the top level; five minutes later Devlin joined him.  
  
"Jack, please give me some GOOD news, cause right now I've got the DSR and the FBI signing my death warrant!"  
  
"Sydney is on her way to Italy… so is Vaughn…"  
  
"WHAT!?!"  
  
"Relax, I told him to go; I would have gone myself if I wasn't babysitting SD-6. Besides she might need a witness, the DSR doesn't exactly trust her…"  
  
"Jack Bristow, defending Michael Vaughn, this is new…"  
  
"Well he might not be extremely experienced, but he has a heart for the job…"  
  
"Yeah, kind of reminds me of someone else I once knew…" this remark earned Devlin a famous Jack Bristow emotionless stare, followed by a sarcastic smirk.  
  
Devlin added, "Well, at least if Vaughn is with Sydney he might stay alive for a few more days, thanks to our friend Haladki the DSR is out for his blood!"  
  
There was a hint of humor as they both pondered how ironic it was that Vaughn had gone with Sydney for HER protection.  
  
Jack dampened the mood, "There's something else… Syd thinks Laura is alive."  
  
Devlin whispered a "WOW!" as if someone had punched him in the stomach. "Guess we shouldn't have stopped the investigation when we didn't find a body." He regretted speaking his thoughts when he saw a hurt expression on Jack's face. "Sorry, Jack didn't mean to be so blunt."  
  
"No you're right, it was stupid of me to close the case because of my own feelings, with everything else that's been going on its been easier to ignore the facts, but now… you'd better get some people on it, if she IS alive, Sydney could be cleared from this prophecy…"  
  
"Forget the 'box', this is Pandora's warehouse! Kind of makes me miss the Cold war," when he noticed his humor wasn't helping either of them, he continued, "Jack, if she IS alive and the prophecy is true…"  
  
"Yeah, I know, 'utter desolation', let's get on this and when Sydney gets back maybe we should let the DSR in on it."  
  
"Whoa, one step at a time Jack, let's get some aces in our hand before with bring it to the table."  
  
They nodded in agreement and with a handshake departed. 


	6. Scene 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Alias, but I sure wish I did!  
  
WARNING: Spoilers!!!  
  
[Thoughts are in brackets]  
  
  
  
Scene 6  
  
  
  
Vaughn slowly opened his sleepy eyes, frowning at the sunlight that was singing 'Rise and Shine'. He sat up straighter and tried to shake off the dreamy daze. Once he became more alert and awake he saw that Sydney was no longer in the seat across from him. He could hear her voice coming from the front of the plane and poked his head out into the center isle looking in the direction the voices were coming from. What he saw brought a smile to his face. Sydney was sitting on the floor, at the opening between the cabin and cockpit, in Indian style, with pigtails and a huge smile! [Side #235, 'innocently childlike', who would guess that yesterday she was accused of mass destruction!]  
  
He could tell that she was hanging on Captain Carver's every word, so he began to eavesdrop, which wasn't hard to do thanks to Carver's loudly animated voice. He was telling her stories of the 'glory days' when he flew for some of her dad's field missions; the man he was describing was completely different from the seriously stoic Jack Bristow they knew, the man Carver portrayed was full of charisma, compassion, and confidence. [Laura must have humbled him… Syd may LOOK like her mom but she sounds more like her dad, I wonder if he knows that…]  
  
As if Sydney had had similar thoughts, her head dropped, crinkling her forehead to focus [I don't even know the Jack Bristow that Carver's talking about; he sure sounds interesting! It's like the whole thing with mom killed him, I wonder if he'll ever 'live' again? And you had to haul off and tell him that his murderous wife faked her own death and is probably still alive, counting the seconds until she'll wipe us all out. Good one Syd! I wonder what hurts him more, the fact that the woman he loved is the Devil in disguise, or that he actually fell for her act? I wonder if he sees her when he looks at me, maybe that's why he's kept his distance. I'm a living memorial to the lie he called 'life'. I can't image the pain of finding out that the person you loved most in the world, the one who you completely trusted, was actually using you. Maybe if he had someone like Vaughn…]  
  
She leaned her head back to rest on the wall behind her, and turned towards the subject of her last thoughts. She smiled when she saw that he was staring in her direction, his head propped up by one hand. "Good morning sleeping beauty!" She turned back to Carver before he could tell her that SHE was the beauty, but was glad she had. [Keep your thoughts to yourself Mike!!!]  
  
"You hungry for breakfast Captain Carver?"  
  
"Well I guess I could eat something, if your fix'n!"  
  
She pushed herself off the floor, "Yeah, don't want a starved pilot on our hands, you may do something drastic! Give me a second and I'll see what the options are." Then walking down the isle asked Vaughn, "How 'bout you, hungry?"  
  
"Sure, I could eat, and if you're going to get all domestic I think I'd better see this," answered sarcastically.  
  
She kept walking towards the kitchenette but threw her head back and stuck out her tongue, Vaughn shrugged his shoulders and continued, "sorry, but this is a rare event for me, maybe we should get pictures for proof!" That earned him a playful punch in the stomach.  
  
"Hey you two, don't kill each other before I get some food!"  
  
While laughing Sydney yelled back "I, I, Captain!"  
  
They were still chuckling as they began rummaging through cabinets and the fridge. Vaughn had started coffee; Sydney began slicing a melon she found and began to talk just above a whisper, "It's like I don't even know my father, not the real Jack Bristow, I wonder if HE even remembers him… I hope I don't turn into that."  
  
Vaughn was taken off guard by her sudden change in subject, but gave her a sympathetic and reassuring smile, "then don't!" He hesitated, as if remembering something, then continued with a hint of pride in his voice, "my dad used to say, 'you can't always choose your circumstances, but you CAN choose how you respond to them!"  
  
"Did he do that a lot, give you advice?" He felt sad for her, it seemed like such a foreign concept to her. He didn't have his dad very long, but it was long enough for him to leave his son with happy memories. Plus, he had a mom who took every opportunity to remind him what a wonderful dad he had had. [That's what Sydney needs, a family like mine, not perfect, but always there, loving her and believing in her no matter what, I wish I could give her that…WATCH IT, coffee, focus on coffee…]  
  
"I'm sorry Vaughn, I shouldn't have asked, its too painful."  
  
He realized he must have been lost in thought and had not responded soon enough, causing her to think she overstepped her bounds. "Oh no its fine, I mean it IS painful, but I'm proud of my dad, I love remembering the good times. And yes, he did give me lots of good advice. I don't remember all of it, cause I was young, but I know I was loved…" He noticed that tears had filled her eyes [Way to go Mike! Remind her of what she DOESN'T have! That's just great, if she starts crying, its all your fault!]  
  
Her soft-spoken words stopped his train of thought, "He said he loved me"  
  
She turned to face him and began to ramble as tears trickled down her face, "last night before we took off, he said he loved me… OUT LOUD!" She dropped her head to study the melon she WASN'T cutting, "He hasn't said that since I was little, I remember he would come in and tuck me in at night, sometimes he'd read me a story, or make one up, he was so good at that, then he'd give me a kiss on the cheek and say 'good night my sweet Sydney, daddy loves you!"  
  
Vaughn put his arm around her and she briefly rested her head on his shoulder, then reached up to wipe away the runaway tears, "he may not have been much of a dad since then, but he's the only dad I've got, I just want to live long enough to fix what's wrong between us, you know!?!"  
  
"Yeah, well I've yet to see you fail to do something you were determined to do…"  
  
Their 'bonding moment' was interrupted but a hungry captain, "Hey there can't be THAT many choices, quit talking about it and let's EAT!!!"  
  
It worked the somber spell was broken and they went back to the task at hand, both caught up in their own thoughts.  
  
[He actually told me about his dad!]  
  
[She thinks she's ganna die soon, over MY dead body!]  
  
TBC 


	7. scene 7

1.1 "Mommy Dearest"  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own ALIAS, but I sure wish I did!!!  
  
[Thoughts are in brackets]  
  
Sorry, this was written kind'a fast, there may be some major grammatical errors, I just wanted to get it out before the new episode this Sunday!  
  
  
  
  
  
Scene 7  
  
ITALY  
  
They had made a plan.  
  
Sydney wore a long, layered, "Scully" red wig, covered by a "do-rag" that matched her periwinkle T-shirt. With a high-end professional camera hung around her neck and black "messenger bag" resting on her right side, she very much looked the part of Megan O'Conner. Who had recently married Sean O'Conner; Vaughn had changed into jeans and an olive green, long sleeve T- shirt and topped it off with Captain Carver's Notre Dame baseball cap.  
  
The 'newlyweds' were picked up form the airport, by an agent driving a local cab car. Today the two 'tourists' would be taking in the "beauty of Mt. Sabassio." Afterwards, a tour bus full of agents would come and extract them; Jack had set that up.  
  
The ride seemed endless; the suspense was deadly. They should have been relieved, but they weren't there yet; with their luck, the mountain had probably moved to another country, or they would get kidnapped before she even saw the entrance sign!  
  
Plus, even though they knew this would remove one albatross, they also knew that there was a whole flock of them waiting to take its place! They were both trying to get up their nerves to discuss what was on both of their minds. Laura Bristow.  
  
[She'll tell me, when she's ready she'll tell me. Why wouldn't she? She tells me everything else! Is she trying to protect me, spare me!?! Come on Syd, just say it, I won't shoot you!!!]  
  
[I should tell him, I WILL tell him. It's for his own good, then he can get over me. HA! How vain as if he has to get over me! I AM selfish; he'll hate me for a little while, but end the end he'll be grateful. In the end he'll be alive and not dead like Danny! I'll tell him, but just a little while longer, why not pretend for just a while longer, I mean this is KIND'A normal. Oh, who am I kidding.]  
  
The drive was long, but not long enough. Before they knew it, they were driving by the "Welcome to Mount Sabassio" sign and making the accent to the 'lookout' parking lot.  
  
Sydney was frozen, unable to fathom the salvation at hand [this is too simple, I'll step out onto a land mine or something]. Her door opened and she took the hand Vaughn offered to her. It was the moment of truth, the 'sublime moment' as an art teacher once told her. Will she or won't she live to see the sight of her redemption? Will she or won't she be able to put her feelings of security and friendship aside to put Vaughn emotionally away from her?  
  
She ignored the other tourists as she numbly walked to the brick wall that served as a banister, overlooking what she believed the most beautiful sight she'd ever seen- sweet salvation. She could hear Vaughn thanking the agent and the car as it drove away. Then felt a depressing mixture of grief and determination as she sensed Vaughn come stand behind her.  
  
He put his arms around her waist, and she let her head rest on his shoulder as he whispered in her ear, "Well, Mrs. O'Conner, guess that takes care of Rambaldi's prophecy…"  
  
The sky was filled with a million colors, as the sun began to set. They stood in silence letting the moment wash over them. And as the last traces of gold disappeared in the distance they each felt as thought it symbolized the end of something.  
  
[Take that DSR!!! So much of your stupid prophecies! Now Syd can get back to more important things, like taking down SD-6. The sooner the better, then we can do this for real, but in France!]  
  
[So much for my 'Guardian Angel'. I shouldn't be surprised, just another person I can't really count on. It was nice while it last.]  
  
She took a deep breath and let out a huge sigh; she could feel tears of emotion escaping her eyes. She stood up straight, and leaned against the stone wall for support. She allowed it to harden her heart as well, in hopes that what she was about to do wouldn't hurt as much as she knew it would.  
  
He sensed her change in mood and moved to stand beside her, turning around to lean against the stone wall so he could look into her face. He studied her for a while. She was starring in the distance and he thought the golden hue made her look angelic. She turned once to stare at him, memorizing his every feature, he was happy to do the same.  
  
After a few moments she smiled then quickly turned back to face the sunset.  
  
[Here she goes!]  
  
[Here it goes…]  
  
"I think my mother survived the car crash." [(mental sigh) there its out, go ahead Michael, get mad, get hurt, get angry, asked to get taken off my case, move to the suburbs, marry a TLC fanatic, have a bunch of kids, coach their hockey team…]  
  
"I know"  
  
[WHAT!?!] "What?"  
  
"Yeah, Jack told me before I got on the plane."  
  
[He knew BEFORE he got on the plane!?!] Images of him teasing her about being domestic, then comforting her when she told him that her dad had said "I love you," flashed like a movie in her mind.  
  
"And you still came? I mean, aren't you mad, or hurt, or angry?"  
  
He turned to face her and after she did the same he put his hand on top of the one she had resting on the wall. "Yeah Syd, I am, but not at you. I wish you would have told me sooner, but I'm not mad at you. Actually I don't know what I am, maybe a little confused, but one things for sure I'm relieved." He pointed out to the breathtaking view, "Now those jerks at the DSR, have nothing on you, you truly are what I knew you were… innocent!"  
  
That's where he lost her [come on Syd, it's party time] she turned back to facing the stone wall.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
She couldn't stop it; thoughts that she had ignored began to surface and tumble out of her mouth.  
  
"When I was in that room, the tribunal got up to leave, they thought I was too emotional to continue, they had sealed my fate. After they left I began to think, I COULD be the one Rambaldi was talking about…"  
  
"Syd, no…"  
  
"No, I mean, I don't think I could ever pull the trigger, and end it all, cause mass destruction, or whatever. But everything else, about the woman he described, she COULD be me. I AM angry, full of it, it keeps me going. I hide it, but it's there, like a 'sleeping giant'. I can't really remember a time when I WASN'T angry. First about my moms death, then about my loser father, then about Noah…"  
  
"Wait who's Noah?"  
  
"Just another love life murdered, it's a long story…"  
  
He gave and 'understanding' look and, though curious, kept his questions to himself.  
  
"Then Danny's death, it helped to be angry at Sloane, but I knew I only had myself to blame, deep down I've reserved the deepest hatred for myself, for my naiveté, for getting myself into this world of lies and causing the death of the first truth I'd ever known. And then the best one of all… mom. Mommy Dearest!"  
  
"I am angry Vaughn, and even if I never hurt a fly, I'm still that woman he wrote about. What makes me different from her? My lack of lust for a good kill?"  
  
"I don't know her, maybe she actually had a great reason for doing what she did, maybe she did it to spare me. Or maybe I was just part of the act, maybe baking cookies and playing princess was just part of her job. I don't know Vaughn, but I plan on finding out."  
  
"After the crash when I knew what she must have done in the same situation, I had a long time to think. I'm not going to be her. There's only one way to do that. I have to FORGIVE her; I have to let go of all this anger. She has to be held accountable, brought to justice, and stopped from doing anything horrible, but in the end, inside, I have to forgive her, even if she really is Satan's slut, I have to do it… for me. For any normal life I may have in the future. For MY daughter, I have to do this for her."  
  
She could tell she had managed to stun him speechless, so she took the opportunity to put the final knife in his back.  
  
"Vaughn, I know that this is your job, to listen and make sure your 'agent' doesn't loose it. But just so you know, I know you've gone way above and beyond the call of duty. I wish I could repay you for all you've done for me. Obviously 'forgiving' the woman who killed your father isn't the way to do it. So when we get back I'm going to ask Devlin to assign me a new handler, one I don't mind loosing, maybe Haladki!"  
  
It was apparent that he was a million miles away, she could see the wheels of his brain turning, she just hoped she hadn't lost him before her last words, she didn't think she could say it again.  
  
In truth she had lost him when she said she had to forgive her mother, so she could move on. He realized that she was right, and that somehow he'd have to get to that same point, if he was ever going to move on too. It wasn't until extraction team that he mentally caught up to what she had said about getting a new handler. He was tempted to go into panic mode, as they were separated and surrounded by agents. He finally resigned himself to the orders of the other agents. He was actually relieved to have the time to think through everything she had thrown at him, and choose carefully how he would respond once he saw her again. The one thing he was certain of, was that he'd walk into Sloane's office wearing a CIA T-shirt before he let Haladki be her handler [Syd you ARE nuts if you think you can get rid of me THAT easily!!!]  
  
What he hadn't counted on was being sent back to the States in separate planes unable her until she got back from her mission to Russia, where she would met up with Noah. 


End file.
